If
you are a parent, the last thing you want for your child is to experience
extreme worry or anxiety, as if you have experienced it yourself, you will know
it can really take the joy out of life.
I
see one or two children a month with worry issues and also see many adults who
still carry the scars from the worries of their youth. Common triggers for
worry in children include exams, falling out with friends and dealing with peer
pressure. Some are also perfectionist
type personalities who beat themselves up if they don’t perform perfectly in
everything they do.
A
good way to help your child relax is by getting them to do a simple breathing
technique. Get them to breathe in for the count of 7 and out for 11 half a
dozen times, this helps lower the heart rate. Remember they a little genius and
a brilliant learner so they can master new techniques very quickly.
Getting
children into good states is the way to make change. If they are anxious and
they want calmness, ask them to think of a place they felt very happy and
relaxed and calm. If it was a nice day
at the beach last summer, ask them to close their eyes and remember the
relaxing day and that they are there again. What can they see? The sand the sea
and waves and seagulls. What can they smell and what can they feel? From the
temperature in the air to the grains of sand in their hands and under their
feet. You might even suggest they wrap that relaxed, happy feeling all over
them like an invisible cloak. Repeating this process will help change their
neurology and thus help break the predicted response.
Making
them laugh is also a good way to change their state. When they can bring humour
and laughter back we know that’s a good sign and when they are giggling and
happy it is a wonderful opportunity to give them extra hugs to reinforce the
good state.
It
is important not to blame yourself as a parent. However, our children can pick
up many of our good habits and therefore they can also pick up our bad ones.
Sometimes in a family both the child and adult need help and would benefit from
learning new strategies to deal with worry and stress.
When
we have a negative thoughts or negative beliefs about ourselves it can change
our brain chemistry; more bad thoughts lead more bad thoughts. I often give children tips on how to stop the
negative thoughts and show them they can have an influence on them. I get them
to think of times when things were OK or when they sorted out another problem,
or get them to recount a time when they thought they would never master
something such as riding a bike or a PlayStation game or times table test. I do also teach those children who are very
stuck the Lightning Process, to train them to recognise and interrupt negative
thought patterns to influence and change
their thoughts and feelings
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